


We Need to Talk About the Kids, Darling

by HowDoYouFeelToday



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Implied Mpreg, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 06:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4089910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowDoYouFeelToday/pseuds/HowDoYouFeelToday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is a little different and Harry likes different. But, maybe the universe doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Need to Talk About the Kids, Darling

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse my grammar. I'll try to fix it soon. 
> 
> *All of this is made up. I do not own one direction nor do I claim to know anything about them*

there are so many things harry styles is not allowed to do right this second. one of them being run. he’s not allowed to run, nor is he allowed to cry. he has to make to make all the decisions at this point. it’s not like he does not want to run. in fact, he wants to flee. get out, fast, don’t stop, don’t look back. run, disappear and never come back. get as far away from these white walls as possible and never see them again. but, he’s got to choose. he’s got a decision to make.

 

there’s a white clock right above his head. it’s loud and he can’t think. he’s not allowed to think, really. this should be a fairly easy decision. he’s got all the rules and he knew the consequences. the blue eyed boy had already giving him all the instructions that he needed. just in case. hypothetically. but, now he can’t think, he can’t breathe and there’s a white clock above his head ticking. it’s deafening.he wants to smash it. he should get up and smash it, but there’s a man standing in front of him with a clipboard waiting for an answer. he knows what to say, that’s what he’s being taught to say. for months now. but, he’s tongue feels too heavy and that stupid clock is too loud.

 

_“mum, what are you doing here? i thought you weren’t coming back for another hour or so.” harry says quickly. louis got up off the couch and dusted off his jeans._

 

_“well i didn’t stop by your aunt’s anymore. not feeling too well today,” her eyes flicker towards the boy with the swollen lips and messy hair for a brief second. “ and who is this.”_

 

_“i’m lou--,” louis starts to say but harry cuts in._

 

_“mum, this is my friend, louis.” harry says frantically, swallowing thickly. the blue eyed boy stared at his shoes and raised his eyes backed up to anne._

 

_“pleasure to meet you ma’am,” he said quietly, shaking the woman’s hands nervously._

 

_“well aren’t you a sweetheart,” she smiles sweetly. “hazza, honey, i’ll be upstairs if you need me. please do come by for dinner sometimes when i don’t feel like my head’s about to explode, yeah louis?”_

 

_“i’ll try my best, ma’am,” louis said accepting the woman’s hand and squeezing it a bit. she squeezed her son’s shoulder and left the room. louis moved swiftly towards the couch and grabbed his packed with such a ferocity that harry’s had the never seen before in the blue eyed boy._

 

_“hey, hey, hold on, baby, are you okay?”_

 

_“your friend? your friend, harry? is that all i am to you? why didn’t you tell her? you’re ashamed to be with me, aren’t you? i knew it! i knew it! all the secret meetings and the stupid lame excuses you come up with so i won’t meet your friends. i get it i am a freak, but you could have just left me alone to begin with. i was perfectly fine without you,” louis says angrily, narrowing his lips._

 

_“you are not a freak and i’m proud to be with you, i swear it lou. i will tell her, i just haven’t found the right opportunity yet.”_

 

_“oh please, you’ve had plenty of ‘right’ opportunities. we’ve been dating for more than three months now. admit it, you’re just afraid she won’t accept me when she finds out.”_

 

_“she will accept you lou. i don’t care what anybody, or even my mum, thinks. you are this perfectly normal human being that i have fallen so terribly, madly in love with,” harry said, holding the boys hand and pressing a gentle kiss on his forehead. “and nothing’s gonna chance that.”_

 

_the blue eyed boy looked like he was on the verge of tears. his shoulders shook a bit and he closed his eyes briefly in a failed attempt to stop the tears. “then why won’t you tell her? why won’t you tell her about us, uh? why do you have to lie to her right in front of me? i’ve been put down and had to deal with being different all my life. the last thing i want is to be a secret to my boyfriend’s family. i can’t. i won’t. i won’t be your dirty little secret.”_

 

_“and you won’t,” the curly haired boy said quickly. “i promise, i’ll tell her tonight if you want me to.”_

 

_“yes, yes i want you to. i’m tired of hiding from the world just because i’m a little different.”_

 

_that night harry told his mum about the boy he had in sociology class in uni. he told her all about the blue eyed boy. the boy who stole his breath away. the one he’d only known for five months now, but would do anything for. that boy, that sweet sweet boy who’s able to carry children. the one that most feared. he also told her how he had gone absolutely bonkers about the boy. maybe his mum was a little shocked and could not possibly wrap her head around her one and only son dating one of these “two-typed” boys, but she eventually came around and accepted louis for who he is and most importantly accepted her son no matter who he falls in love with._

 

harry thinks that there should be some kind of guide with these things. someone should have written a step-by-step book on how to deal with this exact situation. it’s been 45 years since the first guy had a kid, so why is he dealing with this all on his own? why isn’t all this new and advance technology helping him decide. there should be something, harry thinks, there should be something that tells him exactly what he should do at this exact moment. but, the thing is he should know what to do. louis made sure of that a while ago, so why can’t he just decide. all he has to do is open his mouth and say the words and he’ll have his baby girl in his arms in a matter of hours. but, he’ll lose louis. or, he can have louis and lose yet another baby.

 

there’s a family sitting a couple of seats away from harry. they are all holding on to each other. crying their hearts out. harry thinks that maybe he should try to comfort them because he might need the same later on. no, he’ll definitely need it, but that man is still standing there. his lips are moving but harry can’t hear a word coming out of his mouth. it’s all a series of “mr. styles, please we need a decision from you. we understand that this is hard, but please help us out here, we need to try and get the baby out, sir. she’s not getting enough oxygen.” harry thinks maybe the man might actually be chanting at this point. he talks too much and he’s impatient. he doesn’t understand that harry styles can’t focus.

 

“mr. styles, sir, please we need an answer, and we also need you to sign these documents for us,” the doctor said handing harry a couple of papers.

 

harry stare at that stupid white wall across from him. it should have been grey instead. it would match his mood perfectly well at this exact moment.

 

“mr. styles, mr. styles, sir, please--”

 

“the baby. save the baby,” harry chokes out. he thinks maybe it should not have taken him that long to answer. he’d promise louis. months ago, sure. but a promise is a promise and goddammit he hates everything in his wake right now.

 

_harry and louis were both 21 years old going into their third year at uni. harry and louis both had major plans and they were in love. harry wanted to be a lawyer while louis simply wanted to work with kids. maybe be a pre-school teacher. he was not sure. louis had never been much an extravagant person. he grew up without any friends nor family who could understand and support him, so he never set his sights too high._

 

_harry and louis shared a one bedroom flat with a leaky ceiling that they could barely afford. harry worked at a bar while louis worked as a waiter at a little restaurant two blocks down their place. two dead end jobs, but they simply needed a means of living so they did not complain. they also had some hope. harry knew that once they are done with school they could afford something much better than this. something a little more family friendly._

 

_it was a rainy day, harry was exhausted and he was ready to pull his hair out. he had too much on his plate and now louis had become ill. albeit, it was nothing too major, but enough for him to worry over nonetheless. he was sitting on the couch when louis approached looking a little pale with a hand behind his back._

 

_“hey lou, how are you feeling?” he asked kissing louis’ forehead._

 

_“i feel a little better. but, i think that i might be--no, i’m pretty positive that i--haz, i’m pregnant,” louis said handing harry two white sticks: one with a little plus sign and another with two red lines._

 

_“what?”_

 

_“i--i think we’re going to have a baby.”_

 

_“a baby?” harry shouted. “a baby! we’re going to have a baby.”_

 

_harry halted his excitement suddenly looking a bit wary. he looked around their rundown apartment, the pile of books he had left on the coffee table, and the yellow bucket that was currently sitting in the middle of the hallway and said quietly, “holy shit, we’re going to have a baby.”_

 

_“we might also need to cut the language down a bit soon as well.”_

 

_harry had to sit down for a second, his head was spinning. that was the second adult conversation that they were about to have. the first being the talk on who had to pay what bill. the whole problem was this: harry styles was more than happy to have a little one running around the place, but the thing was louis and harry were still only boyfriends. living with each other, sure, but it was not as solid as he’d like it to be. and not to mention that the flat was certainly not something that they should raise a kid in. so, that night harry styles made the conscious decision to marry louis tomlinson before he could deliver. the proposal was not at all fancy, but it was enough for the both of them. despite harry’s protests louis also decided that it would be better to quit school and work at the restaurant to save some money before the baby comes. giving harry a chance to finish his studies and become the superman he knew harry will be. everything was perfectly fine for a long while. they agreed to have the wedding two months later. a very small ceremony with just a few family members and close friends. there was no more than twenty guests at the wedding, but the bright smiles on the young mens’ faces clearly displayed the satisfaction towards everything that day._

 

_it happened when louis was seven months pregnant. harry was in a deep sleep when louis shook him awake. with one look at louis, harry could tell that something was extremely wrong. louis was breathing heavily and clutching at his wrist. if he was not scared shitless this probably would have hurt._

 

_“are you having contractions?” harry asked, worried. it looked like louis was. he had all the right signs. the painful facial expressions, except it was way too early and he just a very bad feeling at the pit of his stomach. the dozens of books harry had read did not mention anything about that._

 

_“no, no it’s way too early. it’s more like constant cramps. i think--oh god--i think something’s wrong,” louis said clutching at his belly._

 

_they went to the hospital and when louis woke up, he had a long scar on the side of his stomach and his baby was gone. harry was by his side within a few seconds. they were wrapped in each other’s arms and louis kept apologizing furiously. he blamed himself. maybe it was all his fault, working at that stupid restaurant even though he was pregnant. he remembered harry begging him not to, but he just wanted to provide a better life for the child then he had growing up. only problem now is that he had started arranging a nice nursery for a child that will never see it._

 

_he sobbed and sobbed on harry’s shoulder until he fell asleep._

 

“we tried to save the baby, but the umbilical cord had wrapped itself around her whole body including her neck. if we had even tried saving her there would be a high possibility of losing both patients. the only logical choice was to save the father. i am extremely sorry for your loss sir, we tried everything in our power, but she was already premature which means she was smaller than the average babies and she was already not receiving enough oxygen and having the cord wrapped all around her,” the doctor sigh and takes a long pause before he decides to continue. he looks quite exhausted himself. he clears his throat and “by the time we got her out she was already gone. i’m sorry mr. styles.”

 

harry thinks that maybe the universe is playing a joke on him. how could he lose yet another baby. it’s not fair. it’s not fair. it’s not fucking fair. he pinches his wrist trying to wake himself up with no such luck. “why did you even make me choose?” harry asked.

 

“mr. styles, you have to understand that major complications rise when it comes to male pregnancies. it is not only hard to determine the baby’s condition with even the ultrasound, but it is always ten times harder to deliver,” the doctor answered.

 

yes harry knows. but, he had also done a lot of research so he also knows that the probability of a situations like this occurring in this era of great medicine and even greater technology was one in a thousand for females and 1 in 200 for males. louis tomlinson just happened to be that 1 in 200. twice. he and louis had read tons of books. he knows how guys like louis functions with or without a bun in the oven. they both knew what they should do and what they should not do to keep keep the baby strong and healthy. they have been doing all of these things. harry had sacrificed unhealthy foods to support his husband during the whole pregnancy. louis had treated himself right this time. never did anything too excessive, always playing it safe and being extra careful. so, what happened?

 

when harry arrives into louis’ room, he finds him sleeping soundly on his back with a hand on his nearly flat stomach. harry thinks that it’s out of habit. he ran the back of his fingers down louis face and kisses his forehead. the young man did not even stir. that worries harry a bit, but the doctor says he’ll be in a deep sleep for a while. not necessarily unconscious, but is just not going to be aware of his surroundings for a while. and so harry waits and waits until he falls asleep. he wakes up to bustling around him and three nurses trying to calm louis down, but he is not budging. he just keeps scratching at the back of his hand in an unsuccessful attempt at removing the iv needle.

 

it did not take long for harry to be by louis’ side, calming him down. “i’m here lou, i’m right here. shhh baby calm down for me, please calm down,” harry whispers to louis soothingly.

 

“my baby. please harry, where is she. they won’t tell me. is she okay?”

 

“they--there were some complications. it was either you or her. she was okay at first and then--” harry started explaining, but was cut off by louis.

 

“where is she, harry. no, no please, you promised. you promised you would save her if it came down to that. you promised. you killed our baby. you killed her,” louis says through loud sobs. he was hitting harry’s chest, but he is so weak, his whole fist practically feels like his pinky finger slamming against harry’s chest at this point.

 

harry is dizzy. he’s nauseous and he can’t even think. he wants to vomit. he wants to scream. but he feels paralyzed because louis is looking at him in a way he has never done before. it was not hatred because louis is not capable of hating him. that he’s sure of, but it was not love either.

 

what could he possibly do at this point. defend himself? for what cause exactly? they have a baby lying in the morgue and louis tomlinson blames him. what could he possibly say to defend himself? what could he possibly say to ameliorate this situation. that he’s glad louis made it, but what about the baby?

 

louis falls asleep a little after and when he finally wakes up, harry could see the sadness in his eyes. harry was sad too, but seeing louis going through so much pain was not particularly pleasant for him. and his heart breaks even more when louis stops talking to him. in fact, he’s not talking to anyone. just kind of lay there for two days straight on his side until he’s released.

 

harry is currently pushing him on a wheelchair out of the hospital and louis is still silent. it’s like he is in his own world, complete with everything he has ever wanted. from the way he was treated growing up because he was different to going back to school to do what he has always wanted to do and all the way to actually successfully using that goddamn thing that made him so different.

 

harry helped louis into the car and places the wheelchair in the trunk of their car. he thought at least while they are in the car louis will make an attempt at a conversation, but with no such luck. louis’ only friend seems to be the side of the road all the way until they get home. he once again helps louis out of the car and places him on the wheelchair again.

 

“can you take me to the nursery please?” louis asks once he was safely placed inside the house.

 

“yes, yeah of course,” harry answer. pushing the wheelchair towards the little nursery that him and louis had just finished decorating three weeks prior. everything was yellow, because louis had been convinced throughout his whole pregnancy that the baby will like yellow. he said it was fatherly instinct or something even though he was not a father yet. harry leaves the room and heads towards the kitchen to make some tea. he place the kettle on the stove and just slides down the kitchen cabinet. he thinks that maybe he does not have any more tears left because he thinks that he might be crying but his whole face feels too dry and his whole body is too tense. so he stops, makes the tea and bring a cup to louis.

 

“lou,” he knocks on the door quietly, hesitantly. “i brought you some tea.”

 

“i don’t feel like drinking tea right now harry,”

 

“okay then, that’s fine. just let me know when you are ready i can take you to bed.”

 

“i think i’ll stay in here tonight.”

 

tonight turns into a month, two months with louis falling asleep on the couch during the day and then the nursery at night. sometimes he would stay in the nursery all day long or fall asleep on the couch at night. either way, the heart of gold that harry had known for such a long time now is gone. he has been shattered, and the scariest part is harry constantly wonders if his husband is repairable.

 

some things that are broken can never be repaired.

 

harry knows how the saying goes. his mum used to repeat it incessantly when he was younger. when his father had returned from the war. his mum always said it when they would practically tie the man down in an attempt to stop him from strangling the nine year old boy again. he can remember everything so vividly all of a sudden. even the insane, as harry used to put it, euphemisms anne would use in an endeavor to fabricate some kind of understanding in the little boy’s mind as to why his father would scream in the middle of the night.

 

“it’s like this glass bowl,” anne explained to the nine year old boy one day. “it’s very fragile. i drop it, it breaks. all that remains are the shards. if you’re not careful around them you’ll get hurt. now i could try to fix it, glue it back together somehow, but then there’s still those marks all around it. it won’t even be able to hold water anymore much less perform normally.”

“so daddy is broken?”

 

harry’s dad suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder. he would become unexpectedly violent at times. other times, however, the man would simply curl in on himself or scream his lungs out at night. harry knew how the nightmares go. he used to have them at night as well, but sometimes he wonder why is dad’s were so much scarier than his. the nightmares occurred more often than anyone really wanted them to. but, anne described the man as broken and irreparable. so maybe there’s a term for louis’ behavior, except harry can’t think of any right now, so he settled for broken and irreparable.

 

louis is broken and irreparable. he is not performing normally. or as normal as it can go in their household.

 

if harry feels tired, he does not say so. if harry feels sad, he does not say it or show it either. well, other than then the occasion sobs behind the shower curtain when there’s enough water to trick his tears. but, he does not say nor show it. there’s already enough sadness disseminate around the house.

 

louis is too far away from him. they live in the same house, and see each other every single days, but louis feels so far away. harry thinks that maybe he should stop trying to reach out, but perhaps that’s what louis wants after all.

 

_they were sitting on an old couch in their living room when louis brought up the conversation that harry feared the most. he knew it was going to happen at some point, but when it actually did come up, he surely did not know what to do with himself. harry thinks that the whole problem is his inability to deny louis anything. well, he can’t really deny that to louis because it’s louis’ body and he can do what he wants with it, but sometimes he wished he had the courage to ask louis: what about he wants.  he’s almost finished with school, he’ll start his internship in a year, so they could start a family. they could try again. he thinks that louis could make a good father._

 

_louis had his glasses perched on his nose reading “the adventures of huckleberry finn” for the third time this month. his feet had been resting on harry’s lap the whole time, and harry could not help but notice how louis is all healed up now. the visible scars he means. they’re almost completely gone now._

 

_he must have been staring for a while because louis lowered the book, took off his glasses and placed them on the coffee table and asked, “what’s the matter? you were staring.”_

 

_“was i. i think i might’ve gotten lost in you eyes at some point.”_

 

_“my eyes were down the whole time,” louis said smiling_

 

_“i don’t need to see them, to get lost in them. it happens occasionally in case you didn’t know.”_

 

_“does it? and what do you want to do when it happens. what do you want to do to me?” louis replied moving his feet against harry’s crotch a little._

 

_harry’s eyes widen. “oh no we’re not going to go there, you’re still a bit sore,” he said gently._

 

_“sometimes i think that maybe it would have been easier if you were with a woman,” louis murmured suddenly. this was clearly something he had been waiting to say for a while now. this was not the best moment to say such a thing, but he said it and he cannot take it back. therefore louis proceeded to lead the conversation exactly where he wanted it to with no apparent difficulties._

 

_“lou,” harry objected sternly. “i’m with you and not with a girl and i am perfectly fine with us”_

 

_“yeah i know. i know you are. i just wished i was normal at times,” louis said smiling sadly._

 

_“you are normal, and if it is not for who you are then we would not be able to be a proper family.” louis opened his mouth to interrupt, but was cut off by harry, “and don’t say we won’t. next time, we’re definitely going to have a little one running around.”_

 

_“don’t sound so sure. i’ve already lost two kids. and, a proper family don’t necessarily need little kids running around all the time,” louis said removing his legs off of harry’s lap, sitting down straighter._

 

_“lou, what are you trying to say? that you don’t want to have kids anymore, is that it?”_

 

_“yes harry, that’s exactly what i’m saying. i mean i found out what my body was capable of due to losing a child. i was sixteen, haz. and now i’ve lost another one. so, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to just stop.”_

 

_harry should have been surprised, or act surprised at least, but he’s not because he’s been expecting this from louis. all the signs have been there, louis had just been waiting for the right opportunity to dump the load of truth unto harry’s back. and, he really doesn’t blame louis. he’s been through a lot so it’s no wonder that he wants to live a normal life with no distractions nor too big surprises. because he’s learned that from experience the bigger surprises are never the good ones. so he should settle for tranquility. he should give it all up and work with what louis’ giving him, and really there’s so much to work with because it’s louis tomlinson and no matter what else harry thinks he needs in life, sooner or later he always realizes that louis is what he wants and just the one thing that he needs in life. he doesn’t want anything fancy. louis’ enough, and he always will be._

_…_

 

_for a motorcyclist with over 50 tattoos littering his olive skin, zayn malik sure as hell made a mighty fine doctor. a very considerate one at that. harry practically grew up with the man standing before him. sure, zayn was a lot older and graduated way earlier than harry did, he was still this trouble maker in harry’s eyes, but maybe he should appreciate zayn a little more because the man could have simply done the procedure and move on with his life. he did not, however. he did and said everything that was supposedly harry’s job. he’d convinced louis to try birth control instead, then if that’s what he really wanted he could go the procedure in a couple more years, since louis was still a bit too young to make such a life changing decision._

 

_harry did not know if he should have been grateful to zayn or despised him for performing a task that should have been so simple for harry. however, despite harry’s ongoing thoughts he was still grateful to zayn because louis had agreed, and maybe he would not come to regret it in a few more years. maybe, just maybe they (well, louis)  might decide to give this another shot. it might actually turns out successfully, harry hoped._

_…_

_when louis informed harry of his pregnancy, the young man did not know what the appropriate response should have been. harry styles did what he does best: he analyzed and over-analyze the whole situation. he thought about what he should say. what would be the best reaction for louis. all in all he wanted to please the love of his life, and make sure he did not react wrongly to such news. the whole problem was simple: harry was happy, he was in fact all too aware that he was happy. a little more than he probably should have been considering the conversation they had two years prior. but, his happiness should not have been such a surprise because that’s what he wanted after all. although he was willing to make louis happy and do whatever he wanted, deep down this is all harry had been craving for a while now._

 

_after mulling over all the possible reactions and responses that he should have given louis, harry went with the safe route instead and asked, “how? i thought malik prescribed you the pills a while back and they’ve pretty much seemed to be working for the most part? did they stop? i mean, he said that they might, so it was to be expected.”_

 

_louis was too calm about this. harry was having a hard time reading his emotions, and he was having a slight panic attack. before harry could open his mouth in defeat and let the young man know that he did not have to go through with the pregnancy, louis looked at him calmly and simply shrugged, “i stopped taking them. it’s been awhile now actually.”_

 

_“you what,” harry asked, bewildered. “you stopped taking them and you didn’t think about letting me know. and i thought you said you didn’t…you know?” harry could not get the words out. the words got stuck somewhere in his throat, he did not mind however because he is completely aware of how terribly difficult it has been for the both of them to even bring up the topic._

 

_“well maybe i wanted to surprise you, but it seems like i might be the only one overjoyed about this. i thought you wanted this?” louis asked._

 

_“oh please louis you know i am happy, but you have to tell me why you stop taking them? why all of a sudden?” asked harry. he wanted to know the answers to his questions and he wanted them now.  he knew louis was the most indecisive person he had ever met, and harry loves that about him. it makes louis seem and bit younger than he actually was, and that makes him the more attractive to harry eyes. and he cannot help but admire the man currently sitting cross legged in front of him. he was being louis, the one person harry admired so much in the world and he was making it even harder for harry to breathe. after all these years, he still can’t remember how to breathe properly when louis is in close proximity or when he’s chewing on his bottom lip like this. harry know what’s coming when louis does this, so it’s no wonder he steps in and asked louis not to lie to him._

 

_louis sigh and seemed like he was about to start talking, but he simply grabbed his phone and started going through his pictures. harry did not know what to think so he just sat there waiting for louis until there was apparently a picture of zayn’s four month old baby being shoved in his face. turns out the whole situations was simple: zayn and perrie had a baby four months ago and she was an adorable baby girl and louis got a little too attached._

 

_so harry and louis are going to have a baby. harry and louis might have a baby.  they think they should at least try to be realistic here. although louis have told harry on multiple occasions that he can tell what color the baby will like the room to be painted, they are still being realistic. a bit optimistic as well because it’s been six months already and there hasn’t been much wrong except for the occasional reminder that zayn keeps giving louis to eat a bit more. but, everything else is fine._

 

_they feel optimistic, but it might all be to hide the amount of anxiety they truly feel inside. because every time harry rubs louis’ belly, he had to promise louis that if there were any complications that he had to save the baby. maisie, they’ve decided to name her._

 

little maisie who did not make it. harry can’t even look at himself in the mirror now. he knows he tried, but how hard did he really try. the better question at the moment should actually be how hard is he really trying now? because louis is skin and bone and harry’s out of ideas.

 

harry had always told himself that it’s normal to feel helpless at times. that he should not look down on himself when he encounters an obstacle in his path. that it should not bother him so much, but he’s currently doubting himself. in fact he has been doubting himself about a lot of things recently. it’s not like he is not trying. he knows he is. harry is doing everything he can in order to get louis back to normal, or as normal as it can get.  he even signs louis up for therapy which is a disaster in itself. louis obliges, but he does not speak. after weeks of absolute silence from louis, doctor payne decided it best to stop the sessions and let louis come out of the dark space that he’s been in on his own. harry does his best by still talking to him, but he might as well be speaking to an empty room.

 

today started out no different than any other with harry complaining about his career choices and louis picking at his breakfast while occasionally feeding midnight under the table.

“you should eat your food, i’ll feed midnight later,” harry tells him shooing the cat out of the dining room. like so many previous conversations they’ve had, harry’s suggestions receives no comment. not even a nod. so he proceeded to talk about his job like so many times before. harry thinks louis might be tired of hearing the same speech repeatedly about how exhausted he is of helping people get away with crimes. not murder for sure because harry’s not that big of a lawyer yet, but just petty things he knows some of his clients are undoubtedly guilty of. so he voice his thoughts hoping to get some kind of reaction out of his husband. nothing. just the occasional clack of louis’ fork connecting to the plate. he knows not even mentioning the food will get cold would make louis start eating, so he opted for a question instead. he doesn’t do that often. not just because he is sure without a doubt that he will not get a reaction, but because it proves how powerless harry really is. this time, he thinks, just this time he’ll ask louis a question. he’ll ask whether or not louis thinks he should change careers. is it too late? would it be a mistake? he does not expect much of an answer if he’s being honest, but when louis lift up his head and looks at harry, the world stops. the world stops spinning and louis’ looking at him. he’s not imagining this, it’s not in his head and he knows it. what he doesn’t know however was what it means. does louis agree with him or does he think harry’s making a mistake. he doesn’t voice his concern though and decides to go with his gut and says, “yeah, you’re right. that’s never been what i truly wanted to do anyways.” he receives no answer to that, but harry thinks he should not push it. louis looked at him today, and that’s a start. that’s all he’ll ask for. for now, at least.

…

it’s been two years and louis is slowly going back to normal. harry thinks they’ll never be the same again. they might try to be in every possible way, but it won’t happen. it doesn’t work like that, not when they’ve been through so much. they’re pretty content. harry did change careers; he is now a social worker. it’s nice. he likes it. although he doesn’t feel better when he have to send a child to a foster home. it is always for the child’s own safety, but it is still hard. after such a long time, louis started working again. he’s the waiter at a small restaurant a few blocks away from their home. it really isn’t much, but louis insisted on getting out there try to be normal again. harry agreed although he thinks that it won’t mean much. they have gone through a lot, but that only makes them stronger. they’ll be fine. louis will go back to college next month, finally finishing his degree and harry is working harder than ever to get that promotion he’s been wanting. somehow, in the midst of it all, they managed to mention having a child. in passing, with louis looking a little puzzled more than ever. of course they would adopt, but it’s scary and it’ll be a lot of work, but harry thinks they can do it. they can do a lot of things. together they can do anything and they’ll raise a child together. they’ll make that child their own. they won’t be perfect, they know that but they’ll try.

  
  
  
  



End file.
